·       As the Comprehensive Conservative’s 2019 Man of the Year, I had the (fictional) honor of meeting my counterpart, Woman of the Year Heather Mac Donald.  We compared notes over a piece of cherry pie at a cozy café amid a roaring fireplace, copious Christmas decorations and seasonal cheer.  (Tight budget + tight host = Cheap date)  In preparation, I sent out my thinking cap for repair and maintenance in order to fully engage this brainy lady.  Apparently, she just had a cosmetic makeover – new hairdo, skin treatment, sporty glasses.  Looking good!

 We are both secular conservatives but my views derive mainly from reading, observation and anecdotal evidence, while hers rest on research and scientific method.  Thus, it is gratifying that her more conclusive empirical analysis often corroborates my intuitive opinion.  What’s more, we share the courage to be most impolitic about incendiary issues. Her many media appearances make her an important exponent of conservative thought.

Our discussion was wide and varied covering, among other things, race, #MeToo, immigration and law enforcement.  She indulged expansive monologues, some that challenged my powers of concentration and comprehension.  She even cited a longitudinal study of comparative behaviors in Europe going back to the Peloponnesian Wars.  Finally, after one arcane soliloquy she inquired of my opinion.  Suffering brain melt at that point, I deftly changed the subject.

Feeling a bit amorous, I sauntered over to the grand piano nearby and played an apt Gershwin classic, “I’ve Got A Crush On You”   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po9m1y2m7Vg .  When I returned to the table she did not seem impressed.  Was it my arrangement?  The key?  The clinker I hit in the third bar?  I know.  The piano needed tuning.  Glancing at the empty plates, I gazed into her eyes, slowly moving closer.  Then, lips millimeters apart, I whispered, “How about another piece of pie?”